As im getting ready to welcome my baby boy into the world, ive been finding myself thinking, on how i might want to go about balancing motherhood with running a business that is building up and has a lot to offer, whilst nurturing the energetic space for more growth and expansion.
You see i love how i grow through my work and i enjoy puting energy and thought into it whilst seeing people who trust me with their well being and development grow and flourish. That to me is a true source of inspiration, happiness and fulfillment and i would never want to let it go.
I also wouldn't want my child to be given the message that motherhood is a one way street, even though i do fully respect women who consciously choose to not work to raise their children and they can afford to do so. It s all about choices at the end, but it is clear that in the times we 're in, the paradigm of motherhood versus career, is rather old and redundant.
How many times have we heard of parents and married couples using their marriage or parenthood as an excuse for having given up on their dreams and goals in life?
And then years down the line, they end up being resentful to their partner or child for what happens to be their own lack of initiative and ambition in pursuing the life they would have wanted. In reality, they never had the guts to follow their deepest desire, yet unconscious of that fact, they choose words such as 'sacrifice' to highlight a victim type of mentality around their choices.
Personally, my pregnacy gave me an incredible amount of energy and focus. My business direction clarified in a way that brought most of my gifts and skills on the surface. My services became much more refined and my purpose and business ideas were carved with more precision and clarity. So without wasting any time i went straight into puting them into action. Besides after all the inner work ive been doing, i knew i wasn't going to be one to resist my vision and where this flow of energy was taking me, no i was going to follow its thread and work on making it a reality.
So, i feel projecting our own fears and lack of commitment to our dreams on those who should instead act as a source of inspiration to better ourselves and become who we are, i.e our family, not only is very 80's 'darling', it is also rather lame. And quite frankly, the finger pointing should be done on our own self and no one else, certainly not our partners or children.
So, as ive been reflecting on all this i came up with a list around the support systems that worked for me so far whilst pregnant, not even an 'official' mum yet. Hope other parents and parents-to-be also find them helpful.
What's worked for me so far
Mixing focused time for work & productivity with free flowing time for rest & relaxation, where there is no planning or work taking place. Though this might seem obvious, it s not always easy for the modern parent to allow ourselves to do.
Get things done before baby arrives. Ive been working on my first e-course for a while now and i made sure that i would finish it alongside my new website before my baby arrived. I worked out my tax credits and did my taxes as well as any admin that needed doing, clarified my budget and basically cleared anything that would take space from spending time with my little cub - the Virgo ascendant in me was quite satisfied :-)
Facing any energy of resistance we might have around getting practical things done, can similarly help us deal with any underlying resistances and un/conscious fears that could be also running our life around becoming parents or even about the experience of birthing. Dealing with all the chores in advance certainly made me feel way more prepared and relaxed for the actual birthing of my son too.
Relying on a close support network for the practical things they could do to be of support to us during pregnancy or early stages of parenthood is also a wise idea. Things like keeping the flat tidy was of great help to me that kept my mind chilled and my mood bright. I was therefore also more ready to get down to work without the all-so-familiar procrastination additive of needing to clean the flat first as a way of distracting myself in getting work done.
Concentrating on the few good friends that we connect with ease and feel comfortable with can be very helpful and wise at a time of pregnacy, at least it was for me. Most of us get on some level how everyone and everything outside ourselves is in essence a reflection of who we are and in our energy vibration, however comfortable or uncomfortable. And anyone with a healthy sense of enquiry will want to look at those dynamics and challenge their sense of self and how they relate to the world.
However i do think that giving yourself a wide berth around the particularly difficult dynamics in your life at a time of pregnancy, is actually a way of showing kindness to yourself by not having to work extra hard on areas that can be picked on later down the line, or even end dissolving naturally. It's ok to not always be superhuman and just choose to go easy with it all, the hormones should be enough work for a while. Though these days i tend not to have particularly negative or 'difficult' people in my life, i still feel giving ourselves permission to not have to sort everything out at once, is a good thing to offer ourselves.
Asking for help and talking, again for me something that made a huge difference. Though im not together with the father of my son, we have a great relationship and gradually both him and his partner are becoming two of my best friends. As i did not want to jeopardise that, i was unsure initially of where i wanted to place my boundaries around support and contribution, financial and otherwise. I had to realize i was not up to do it alone and be honest to myself first about it before asking for help. Once i did and communicated that from a place of integrity and truth, i was amazed to see what a great response i received and how much more of that then followed voluntarily from close friends and family. No-one has to do any of this alone, once we choose to say yes to help, soften our defenses and walls and allow it to pour in.
Letting go of our control freak-isms. I know it s easier said than done but if we keep holding on to all our perfectionistic tendencies we're certainly going to struggle dealing with the mess and chaos of new born babies and parenthood in general. I found the event of my unexpected pregnacy alongside almost becoming homeless and struggling to find the right flat to move into, really helped me keep things into perspective on what really mattered and what i needed to let go of.. it was even, despite the challenges, quite liberating actually.
Keeping things simple. It s a mantra worth remembering! When doing something, simply ask yourself, is there a simpler way of doing it? Will it save me time and energy, emotional or physical? If so best say yes to it. We can so easily end up over sophisticating everything we do and then get all wound up at the end. It s a typical by product of our time.
After the birth...
I've decided to take a good chunk of time to connect and bond with my baby without giving myself a time limit to when i need to get back to 'doing things' and being organized. Being natural and organic with the new role of motherhood is much more important to me than imposing forced pressures on other things that are waiting to be done.
I would not want to miss being fully present with my son and bonding with him for anything in the world. I wish to share good quality space with him as well as help him ground to planet earth and his precious physical body and that to me is crucial in my role as the spiritual mama that i am. - In fact i think that should be a key agenda item for all cosmic mamas. :-)
Prioritizing. Once back into the swing of things and ready to get back to more work, its wise and needed to prioriotize on what really needs doing and what can be left aside or just not for us to do. Rather than seeing it as needing to cut things off cause we do not have time to do, we can choose to use this as an opportunity to focus simply on what we're good at and really want to do and achieve. Focused energy is the best energy to work with and it keeps us in a flow that can really help us take big leaps further down the line.
For me, i know my main energy will be in developing my online courses as im totally in love with the creative process their creation involves and im really enjoying communicating all my ideas and knowledge from over the years. It also happens that they will end up creating more time for me and my little guy too so it s a wonderful award winning situation all around!
Sooo..... these are some of the tips that worked for me so far.
Id love to read what other mamas or dads have found useful in their own journey particularly to new parenthood, so feel free to post on the comments section below on what has worked for you!
Thanks for reading x