Having given birth to my son when I was 35, I find myself grateful for not having been a younger mum. I notice through the challenges of trying to balance motherhood with work and life, that an older age is definitely an advantage to being a parent, that outweighs the challenges, i.e lower energy levels, etc.
Throughout my twenties I thrown myself in some very deep inner work.
A lot of the time the work had felt overwhelming and extremely difficult but I had created a lifestyle that would give me the time and space to really apply myself and looking back im very glad I did just that.
Now my inner work is a work in progress and im In no way done with it, I still have my stuff and battles I fight, things to accept and transform and that is ok most times... but having done some key foundational work, it feels easier to work with my raw material at this time.
By key foundational work I actually mean inner child work.
My son has been particularly good in helping shed some light on my relationship with my inner child as it stands at the moment, he has reflected to me that I have done some good inner child work and im not anywhere near as wounded as I used to be.
Working on our inner child has some big benefits that can affect our life dramatically and I hope this blog helps act as a motivator on why working to heal our wounded inner child is worth the energy, money and effort. Just to make things clear however.
Our inner child is first and foremost a child
and that's how it should be.
but the woundedness needs to be healed if we are ever to live satisfying full lives...Looking within the last few years i've been feeling my inner child clearly so much more healed, and considering some of my early trauma in life i know how good and wonderful this is to be able to experience.... It's a real joy and relief to see, feel and relate to a happier inner child within me that is on the whole pretty happy to relate to others, play have a laugh...
and i find that managing my son's needs is easier to do from that healed place as it seems to be less about projecting onto him from a place of pain and more about relating to him from a cleaner less complicated space.
That is not to say I don't get triggered off by my son or indeed other people, especially where ongoing toxic relationships are concerned, or that occasionally, and under pressurising circumstances I won't regress to a memory space of difficulty when young, a place that reminds me the pain that I carried as a child, cause it does happen occasionally...
yet it tends to feel more of a memory that passes pretty quickly without getting stuck in a sense experience of that difficult time for long. It's like watching a tv drama where I get engrossed in the story whilst watching yet I manage to let it go as soon as im done watching it. It feels good to notice this being my experience and that im not offering much of a hook for a trauma to get re activated. In fact it's pretty darn awesome.
Having a happier inner child makes the difficult times easier to handle...it makes it clearer that it is just a challenging time or period and it's absolutely human to have those, they will come and go, and I seem to be able to handle them with much more ease...
Like any child, my inner child has its occasional tantrums, moods and ups and downs too, but its not struggling from chronic psychological pain or unhappiness. There is a huge difference there.
Not having the additional drama of a wounded inner child amplifying the intensity of a difficult time in life is a real strength and asset that is a true blessing to have.
Truth is we don't always realise exactly how much of an asset it is until we actually experience it and notice the difference to how things used to be.
A healthy inner child does not hang on to intense drama. It simply moves through experiences with an openness, curiosity and robustness that goes with being innocent... When it gets hurt, it bounces back quickly, that was something that was not very present before for me..
My inner child is still a child so I still need to talk to her and look after her and hold her when tired, or emotional or just cheeky and up for mischief, and I must say im not doing that anywhere near as much as I should do, but she is certainly not as wounded and so Im not needing to carry my heavy duty counseling toolbox with me at all times.. just her packed lunch and some toys and that's it..
Let's face it, life is not going to be always easy,
but is it made so much easier when we choose to travel light.
And that choice is more than just a choice of course, and more like a commitment, to do the work and face all that comes up and proves to be a limitation to our free flow nature of love, joy and true connection, which is by no means an easy task.
Traveling light psychologically, can actually leave room for us to tackle with life's bigger and more vibrant movements for those that still wish to enjoy a fully flavoured life experience, and enjoy the texture of life's fabric, with its ups, downs and in betweens.
A wounded inner child will hold back that fullness, as it will need a lot of nurturing and attention and will keep on bringing up our limitations, showing us where we are not being whole and where healing is needed...
A happy inner child will want to play and join in the fun and will not be phased as much by life's complexity but instead be thrilled by the ride... It will take defeat easier than its wounded alternative.
Nor is it going to want to put out hooks for pain and drama that is to hold it back cause it won't make sense for it to have that kind of thing in its life and mess up with its joy..
I could really continue with more ways that a happy inner child can be a great asset but im resisting to do so as i feel the point is made..
I would like to invite you in working to bringing that healing into your lives for your wounded inner child to find the peace and joy that is looking for and to then let that be a great source of joy for you the adult and grown up as well as the inner toddler.
It is worth it for us, it is worth it for our families and children.
Much Love X